And another thing...

TOP SECRET!

(Originally July 2, 2004)

This post will have to be draft for now, since I am not supposed to know this or let anyone else know I know it. Which for me is excruciatingly painful.

It's a long post so brace yourselves.

Last night my TM, G, is over talking to a bunch of us and we are discussing phone stats. Everyone is always worried about their stats. I just looked at him and said,

"You know they are bullshit right? They set the stats, and it seems like they do everything they can to make sure you can't hit them." For instance, they don't want you to use hold too much, but then they want you to warm transfer customers, which if you have ever tried to contact DELL, is a long drawn out process.

"Why are you all sweating those stats, you are never going to hit them, your just stressing yourself out needlessly." Like the pay for performance bullshit they shoveled out to us. Hit these customer satisfaction metrics 3 months in a row and we get a bonus. "If we get paid, I will eat Jackie's hat."

Jackie, "Hey! I like this hat!"

"Oh please, your hat is in no danger of being eaten."

He leans over and signs me off my phone. "Come with me." Great.

"What?"

"It's nothing bad."

We go into the huddle room, "You didn't hear this from me." I love it when they say that. "No one is supposed to know this, but they are going to hire another TM for pro and Senior lead reps, you need to apply."

"I tried that before, and I didn't even get a letter of rejection."

"Did you go for resume feedback?"

"No, another thing I think is bullshit." If you are familiar at all with the new corporate earth, you know that all they are looking for now in resumes now is how much you can bullshit, well I am not good at bullshit. In my day, you couldn't just say you could do something, you had to back it up. Not so today, you lie like a rug and if you get the job, bullshit your way past the stuff you don't know. It's bullshit.

We talked about the last hire of TM's and I told him I got a hold of a couple of resumes from the ones who got the job, because a couple of them were really bothering me, and sure enough one guy flat out lied about places he had worked and his qualifications. "What is the use? It's not what you know, its how much you are willing to lie about what you know."

"Send me your resume and I will get H (another TM) to help beef your resume up." apparently H, took a bunch of 'bullshit on your resume' courses.

"I feel like you are at the point where if you don't move on, you are going to move out, and I don't' want to see that happen. You are at the same point I was when I applied for TM. I know the feeling and I want to help you. I don't want to see you quit."

We are leaving the huddle room, "I am going to poke myself in the eye and come out saying "Ok, just don't hit me again!" sound like fun?"

"You wouldn't dare!" If I thought I could keep a straight face I would.

So, my TM thinks I would make a good TM. You know what? That is better than any phone stats. So whether I get TM or SLR, the pay is better and the bullshit is less. Well maybe not less, but I would be the one dishing it out instead of taking it.

UPDATE

They finally posted the position. The posting is open from July 6-8.

WTF? I am off the 6th and 7th. How the hell am I going to get my resume all bullshitted up in two days. My TM, G, doesn't come back from his little vacation till tomorrow.

I swear they look at my schedule and work around it and not in a good way. Every time they have a pizza day, or a natcho day, its always on my day off. I am starting to get a complex.

I will let you know how this round of bullshit resume submitting goes.