Sunday, May 30, 2004

Don't mess with the Internal MS Biache!

Ninety precent of the calls I get in this new Queue are from supposed support professionals. Whenever I see [ SP ENTITLE ] come up on my phone, I groan inwardly.

A little background about the procedures here at the Undisclosed Customer Service Center� If a customer calls in and our tools are down, ie unable to create a case for them, we tell them that we are sending them through without a case and the SP will create one for them. We never turn them back if our tools aren�t working, its just not done. We have all been trained for this scenario. When I say all, I mean every single person in this place. Mind you, it doesn�t happen often but it happens. So I get this asshole.

�Ya, I have a customer here with no case number.�

I can act superior because they think they are talking to someone who is three doors down from Bill�s office.

�And? ... they don�t have a case number, I can�t work with them.�


�Because they don�t have a case number. I will transfer him over for a case.�

This asshole is not passing the buck to me.

�What do you mean, no?�

�Just what I said, You make a case and work with him till his issue is resolved.�
At this point he asks for my employee id. Oh, you think you can strong arm me? Not fuckin' likely. I give it to him slowly, phonetically, loudly, like he may be simple.

�Do you want mine?� Mr. Snotty says.

�Nope, I had it the second the phone rang." I repeat it to him.

�How did he get through without a case?� Yours is not to wonder why, asshole.

�Look, there are no magic numbers for these people to get directly to you. If he got through it was because he was entitled to. If he doesn�t have a case then it was because our tools were down. You do know tools-down procedures, right? If your phone rings and there is a customer on the line, you are the last person that he needs to speak to. If he doesn�t have a case, you make him one. You do not send him backwards unless he was routed incorrectly, if you can help him, it is your job to do so.�

�My manager says I am not allowed to create cases.�
Bullshit! They just don�t know how to create a case, they act like it is beneath them. These assholes are like rocket scientist who can�t get the time to stop blinking on the VCR.

�Your manager lied to you. If you would like, I can have my manager call your manager and refresh him on the tools-down procedures. Perhaps he can have you retrained.�

< - CLICK - >

Adios, asshole. Do not fuck with me�..I know how this place works.

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