Seriously?

Is anyone really under the delusion that people on those phone chat lines look anything remotely like this?

Seriously?

It's the little things...

This year I finally got rid of the cats and I have decided I am going to get a new pet. After researching it I have decided on a hedgehog. I guess I was never much of a cat or dog person....small rodents are more my speed.

Anyway, every year The Sister fills my Christmas stocking and from that stocking comes my favorite gift of the year.




What was your favorite gift this year?

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me.....

Twelve drummers drumming.

There used to be 13 but one guy left to take up air guitar.

Hope your holiday was great no matter what you celebrate.

Merry Christmas.

Not for nothin', but...

I really hate to be a bitch during the holidays but this this was too much.

Bunnie was over last night and brought The Sister and I coffee. Mine was to be a Triple Triple and her's, one cream



I have no idea what kind of fucked up hieroglyphics they were using but I really hope Bunnie did not tip.

Day Eleven...almost there.

Eleven Pipers Piping.



Ok, technically, a hookah. But if you ask me that's just a glorified bong anyway.

On the tenth day of Christmas...

Ten lords a-leaping.



Exhausted from the double duty (ie dancing lady gig) but always the consummate professional. The show must go on.

On the ninth day of Christmas...

Nine ladies dancing.



Like troupers, the eight out-of-work milk maids recruited one of the leaping lords and became dancing ladies....the lord is in drag, but he rather enjoys it.

On the eighth day of Christmas...

Times are tough and you can't find a milk maid to save your life. Most likely because of this.



These cows milk themselves. I kid you not. When they feel like they need to get milked, they just walk into the stall and the machine hooks up to them automatically. No human is involved.

The milkmaids are going to have to learn to type.

Day Seven

And welcome to day seven. Over half way there.

Unfortunately, I had the swans since day one and, well, they drowned around day five.

Leave it to me to find the only swans that couldn't swim.

They are still good eatin'. Moist.

On the sixth day of Christmas...

Six geezer's sleighing.



And one chick.

FIVE GOLDEN RINGS!

Ok, so they are onion rings.

And who can eat just five?

On the fourth day of Christmas...

And welcome to day four.

On the third day of Christmas...

As it happens, I was only able to find one Frenchen. Not a real popular name.

However, it does say on Frank's myspace that he is a parent. So, we will assume he was married at some point, so that makes at least 3.

Enjoy day three.

On the second day of Christmas...

Two turtles dove.

Ok, they aren't diving right this minute, but they were earlier.

I might have read that wrong.

Damned homonyms!

On the first day of Christmas...

Ok, I realize that the 12 days of Christmas are supposed to start after Christmas day and continue until the Feast of the Epiphany (I am not a heathen) but this is my blog and I am going to use it as a countdown. Excommunicate Sue me. Besides, once Christmas day arrives, no one wants to hear another word about it.

So, here we go.

On the first day of Christmas...

My true love gave to me...

A Partridge in a pear tree.

Ok, so he is not exactly in a pear tree.

But he is being treed by a bear.

Close enough. Carry on.

Wing Night.

Every year for Tracey's birthday, we do wing night. We watch Christmas movies, I make wings and decorate the tree.

I give you...



The Campbell family Christmas tree.



The Carnage.



Again this year the cashier questioned me about the crackers. Some people had a sheltered life, Christmas without Christmas crackers.



But we got 'er done and almost made it to midnight this year.

WTF?

Some crayon on CNN actually said the words - Greener Oil

Seriously?

Are you kidding me?

What the hell is up with Barbara Walters? Adam Lambert? One of the 10 most facinating people? Did she run out of people on the planet? Goog God! What the hell makes him so facinating?

The most facinating thing about most of these people is that they are actually still working.

Just goes to show how limited the pool of talent really is.

Can't wait to see who she thinks is 'the' most facinating.

Ok, she nailed it. But the rest of them.....still pitiful.

Why you should never buy a paint pen at a dollar store.

I did, and I regret it.

I thought I would put a little bit of silver on the guide of my printer so I could see better where to put the cd cartrige in. It was black on black.

So I shook the pen and pulled the top off.



Unfortunately the entire top came off as I was leaned over the printer.

This is the aftermath.



At least none got inside the printer, it just looks hellish. And it is never coming out of the carpet.

Recycle

I thought I might dig up the ol' 12 days of Christmas that I did a couple years ago...if I can find it, that is.

It's beginning to look a lot like ...

It snowed this morning.



This is now my desktop picture.

Oh...and I saw this in the bank the other day. It is the exact replica of the nativity scene we had as kids. Right down to the stable construction. I was gobsmacked.

How can this be?

I can't believe my sister has been alive 49 years and has never seen White Christmas.

How is that even possible?

This is the scene we are watching right now.



And she is watching this with a big goofy grin on her face. (Shhhh, don't tell her, I don't think she realizes it.)

That's what a classic will do for ya. It just isn't Christmas without a little Bing.

This is my favorite bit from the movie.



Next up, Christmas in Connecticut and then maybe the Bells of Saint Mary's or Holiday Inn.

If you have not seen these classics, you might want to give them a try. I know everyone always watches It's a Wonderful Life, but these others will also put you in the Christmas spirit.

UGH!

Gonna have to format the Vista machine. Not looking forward to it, but at least I have the laptop to use while that is going on.

But you just know...I am going to forget to backup something.

Drivers probably.

UPDATE: fuckin' thing won't boot from cd

The benefits of broadcasting your misfortune.

My friends now know I am penniless. As I was trying to figure out what I could make to eat for the day, Kimmy calls from work.

Someone screwed up an order, did I want it?




Of course I do.

Pork free.

The Boy and I went and got our H1N1 shots.

I have to say that once we were all permitted to get the shot, the team that organized it had a really great system going. I just wished they had publicized it.

From news reports all you can see is endless lines, people waiting 4 and 5 hours for a shot. I was not looking forward to it. The first day I went over to the Y, I just drove through the parking lot and thought it was way too depressing to go in and wait in line. So I ditched.

The second day I was out getting blood drawn and figured I would bite the bullet and get it over with. When I got there there was a cheerful lady sitting at a table with what appeared to be stacks of business cards. (wish I had taken a pic, it was genius) They had 100 cards for each hour.

The stacks were appointment cards with times on them. From 10 am to 5pm. All you had to do was pick a time and take a card, for the next day. It was so simple, not sure why everyone was not doing it this way.

I got two and informed The Boy he was getting his as well the next day at noon.



Of course we were late, we arrived at 12:20. We filled out our forms and were given a number. There were only maybe 20 people ahead of us. We got our shots at 12:45 and were out of there by 1. (They wanted you to sit for 15 min, in case you took a reaction.

Someone needs to share this system with the rest of the country.

Long Story.

As you may know, I have been off work for a month. I have been paid for two of those weeks by the insurance company.

They faked me out. When the doctor originally said 3 weeks, the insurance company just approved it. No real hassle at all, adding that 'if your doctor says you need more time, just send these forms', and I did. Now all of a sudden they are not sure I should be off.

The problem is, I have no diagnosis yet. All my doctor knows is that my blood pressure is not that great but its the heart rate that is going to kill me. My resting rate has gone as high as 151 bps. That would be fine if I was an infant, but not so good when you are in your 40's.

So, on the 16th, the insurance company says, they need a note from the doctor, so I give them one on the 18th. In it she writes that she is concerned about stressors and says shit like dysrhythmia and tachycardia. The note scared me, so should be enough for the insurance chick, right?

Wrong. On the 19th she says it is not enough. This all wouldn't be so bad if I lived with my doctor, but all this shit takes so long cuz I have to turn around each time and make an appointment with the doctor. (Sadly I am not her only patient) Apparently, just because I could take a heart attack at any moment, this is not a good enough reason for me not to take calls. They don't see why I couldn't take calls right up until the moment I take that heart attack.

Then someone says to me, "Well at least your unemployment insurance should kick in."

"What?" No one mentioned this before, I guess I could have applied for that at the same time as the short term disability. So I apply for that on the 20th, but of course I need a record of employment from my employer (who says they can't get that to me until Dec 10th) and a note from the doctor. Oh, and there is a two week waiting period.

I put that on the burner and go back to the doctor on the 23rd, she is pissed at this point and writes a long strongly worded letter and sends the insurance company chick about 16 pages of data. I also get her to fill out the UI doctor form, just in case. The government doesn't really give a shit why you are off, all they need is the doctor saying you should be. That is it. I should have went this way in the beginning.

Now I have to sit and wait. Penniless. It all looks like I will be back to work before I ever see another cent.

R.I.P. Mininova

This will stop us for all of ten seconds.

10 Alternatives To Mininova

Thanks to Sonny and Adele and Kimmy.

His Mama didn't raise no fool!

I would have never admitted it at the time, but...

When I was a teenager, I was totally (secretly) in love with Mikhail Baryshnikov.



My friends would have thought I was a complete idiot. So I never let on.

Who did you secretly love/admire/lust after when you were a teenager?

40 years.

Yes, I realize I am older than Sesame Street. I have been seeing a lot of it this week because of the 40th anniversary.

I remember this one, it made me cry then and now.



LOL I remember trying to sing this one.



I actually bought an album last year with this one on it. (Yes I said ALBUM, as in vinyl)



It ain't easy.

Lest we forget.

Classic.

I really hate to burst your bubble but...

I know all you geeks have been bashing Vista and waiting patiently for Windows 7.

Listen carefully.

Windows 7 IS Vista. Microsoft promised a new OS, but they just upgraded Vista. Took out the annoying stuff and added a few aesthetic components.

Oh no, you say. Its not an upgrade. It's not possible to upgrade from Vista to Windows 7.

Yes, that is just part of the smoke and mirrors.

Bottom line: So far, Windows 7 looks, behaves, and performs almost exactly like Windows Vista. And it breaks all sorts of things that used to work just fine under Vista. In other words, Microsoft's follow-up to its most unpopular OS release since Windows Me threatens to deliver zero measurable performance benefits while introducing new and potentially crippling compatibility issues.

Don't get me wrong. I love Vista. The only people who really hated Vista was Uber Geeks who like to tinker. Pissed that they couldn't just upgrade effortlessly without hardware upgrades. A lot of the problems people had with Vista was with hardware drivers. Which wasn't Microsoft's fault. For more than a year before Vista launched, Microsoft warned hardware vendors that they needed new drivers, even offered to help them develop the drivers. Hardware manufacturers ignored them.

I had no problems with Vista because I built my new computer in anticipation of it, I prepared for it. I purchased hardware that would be compatible with Vista and that already had the drivers in place for it.

Vista is very user friendly, and self healing if you can read and have opposable thumbs. If you had just ignored the hype you could have been enjoying Vista all this time. You will see what I mean now, if you install Windows 7.

You swore you wouldn't install Vista but, Dude, you totally drank the KoolAid.

Dream Job.

The IT Crowd Episode1
Uploaded by Fegor. -

Jon Lajoie Rocks!

This is funny as hell...



...and a literal translation of every rap song in existence.

AGAIN

Too funny!

LOL

Just finished watching Hangover.

Best quote ever!

"Eeew, Alan. Did you just eat sofa pizza?"

Now I remember you.

I am biding my time, surfing the net and trolling FaceBook, adding people to my friends list. Finally, bored, I go through the list of people others suggest to me. I come across one that others in my family have told me I should know from Undisclosed Customer Service Center™. I vaguely remember her but only that she was related to my sister-in-law and another friend at the company.

This is what I get in return.



LMFAO! Now I really do remember her. Although I can't remember being rude to her, can't remember interacting with her at all. Probably because she was a little on the weird side.

And the 'rumour'? Wasn't.

Furthermore, it was Max who told everyone about it, not me. I don't really blame him, it was a really great story and I doubt I would have been able to keep it to myself if it was I who had pulled it off.

I guess she is not really in the 'Family' loop.

Breakfast of Champions.

For whatever reason I am up at 6am. Actually I was up at 5 to go to the bathroom and thought I would check my bank to see if my pay was there and I couldn't sign in.

One freak out and a phone call later and I was back in. After that I tried for about an hour to get back to sleep, with no luck.

So, I got up and went for a coffee run and, of course, breakfast. It is rare that I am up at this hour and can benefit from the breakfast menu.

Now what do I do with myself? Too early to start banging around cleaning the house. Too early to bug others with chat requests. I was up til midnight reading blogs, so that is out.

The internet is getting boring. Any suggestions?

This is starting to get ridiculous.

Do they think we won't catch on? That the reason they are only doing 'high-risk' people is because they don't have enough vaccine produced as promised?

Since this all began we have had 1 regular vaccine clinic for one day. Then they decided to just do the 'high-risk' people. So since the first of the month it has been pregnant ladies and kids under 5. (Oh and First Nations) Checking out the website today, and they have added a few more sections of the population.

•Pregnant women
•Postpartum women including their partner
•Children younger than five (six to 59 months)
•Children 19 or younger with chronic medical conditions for which they receive regular medical attention, including morbid obesity
•First Nations communities

Okay, so they added baby daddies and fat kids. Big fuckin' deal.

They make it sound like they are actually expanding the clinics when in reality they know that the deadbeat dad's won't show up cuz they think it is a Family Court sting and the fat kids won't stand in line unless there is a Big Mac at the end of it.

Who are they tryin' to kid?

Everyone is effected.

I go to the doctors today to get my marching orders. More tests, or back to work? I had been trying to call all morning, but was unable to get through so I thought I would just go over and give her both sets of forms. She can fill out the ones she thinks are appropriate.

I walk in and my doctor is standing behind the desk. Sort of looking lost. She is usually in back and the receptionist (Rachel) filters us. But today she is just standing there, looking like she has forgotten what she was looking for.

"Oh, Eva...I have your test results somewhere here..."

"That's okay, I can just leave the forms?" She looked bewildered. "Where is Rachel?"

"In ICU with H1N1 and I don't even know who to call to fill in. The phone has been ringing off the hook."

After finding out how Rachel was doing, "Just leave it, let the phone ring, if it's an emergency they can go to the out-door (what we call the emergency room). I'll just leave these forms..you get to them when you can."

"No, I know I can find your file here somewhere..." She is scanning a wall of files. "Found it! Come on in."

She sort of seemed relieved that someone was there. "Uh, didn't you all get the vaccine?"

"Don't even get me started."

Apparently doctors and people who work in their offices are not high risk. Who the fuck determines this? I am not a rocket scientist but the people who come into contact with sick people all day, every day, have got to be high risk. Right? Again we all wonder who is in charge of this crap.

Anyway, after looking at my test results she is still concerned with my heart rate. So I think I will be looking at 6-8 weeks more of short term disability. More tests and specialists. I can do it financially, I have a great plan with my work.

Now if The Boy would just stop visiting me and cleaning out the cupboards before he leaves, I will be all set.

I must be getting old.

I went to my aunt and uncle's anniversary party today.



... and I actually let people take pictures of me. (That's Potsie on the left)

I love Rick Mercer!

And now for something completely different.

Don't you wish life was like this? Just burst into dance at the drop of a hat.





They even did one in the mall in Halifax.



Okay, less impressive than T-Mobile but still fun.

Be all that you can be? Including a homicidal maniac.

I am sure you have all heard by now of the shootings at Fort Hood in Texas.

All I can say is ... that is some fucked up shit.

I am so glad that Fyr and Hubby are ok. Thank God for the internet. (well, sorta)

During the course of this whole thing some things struck me as, lets say, more fucked up than others.

1. Dude was a psychiatrist. Huh? Yah, first order of business, have all his patients reevaluated.

2. I was completely shocked when Situation Room was showing aerial photos from Google Earth of the military base. Live, close-up and in living color. Is it just me? Why can we see aerial photos of a military base but we can't take shampoo on a plane? Who the hell is in charge of their homeland security?

3. They say this nut was a Muslim all his life, and was protesting being deployed to Iraq because of religious reasons. What the fuck did he enlist for in the first place? It's not like the possibility of deployment would be a shocker. It's the military, not Duncan Donuts.

4. Drop the ball much? Apparently this crayon was under investigation for months for posting on websites that support suicide bombings and such. I would think the first thing I would do would be to disarm the idiot. But that is just me. You would think the military could vet these people a little better.

5. I finally had to turn off the TV coverage after seeing the video of him in his Arabic garb...they went to the fact that he was Muslim too quickly. I am sure it had less to do with his religion and more to do with the fact that he was a fucking asshole that used the military to get his education and then balked when his end of the bargain came to be claimed. Again...dude, not Duncan Donuts...no surprise.

I am sure this dead horse will be sufficiently beaten over and over in the coming days so I will just leave it at this.

For a country so supposedly patriotic, flag waving, yankee doodle dandy'ing. You would thing the American public would be more outraged. The military seems to treat their soldiers like factory workers. They aren't very choosy. In their rush to get enough bodies in uniform they fail to vet out the undesirables. Then when they are put out there in the world to kill or be killed and come back all fucked up? They are left to their own devises or treated by crayons like this Hasan dude.

People should really keep this in mind.

More home improvement.

So, no, I am not sitting around watching soaps and eating bon-bons. I am actually accomplishing some things.

Like new tile in the entry way. I actually bought these at the dollar store.


And finally a defense against the raccoons. If you can't beat 'em, lock the fuckers out!



This cost me exactly zero dollars. Made it from an old headboard and the shelf from the closet.

I am Eva Vila.

* SIGH *

I can't win.

Here I am, trying to get things done while I am off work. Clear out The Boy's room, move in the exercise equipment. Clean the house, get the H1N1 shot....

Wait. I can't get the shot. I had a printout of all the clinics so I had planned to get mine today. Then last night they change the schedule to only include those at high risk. Now I can't get it unless I am either pregnant, under 5 or a member of the First Nations. (Not sure what makes that last group high risk, but whatever.)

Apparently there was a big snaffoo with the vaccine. In July they delayed making it til August so they could finish making the regular flu vaccine. Then they stopped production of the regular adjuvanted version of the H1N1 vaccine so they could clear out the lab to make a non-adjuvanted version of the vaccine for pregnant women. See, they can't make more than one kind at a time in the same lab. That means they only made 6 million shots before shutting down for the prego's.

There are, 33,212,696 people in Canada (well at least until some of those prego's pop) and they tell us they will have enough for everyone before Christmas. I am no rocket scientist, but I don't think the math holds up.

Problem is, it would be just my luck to get the swine flu. I can't win the lottery but I could totally get a pig disease.

Keeping busy?

So, The Boy moved out the other day and I have three weeks to kill. Naturally I have dug up the old home movies and have been editing.

Pre-Mason cuteness. The nephews and niece. (some of them anyway)




Random Mason cuteness.



More Mason cuteness.

21 days

So I am sitting taking calls on Thursday. Call after call after call. The company bought out a bunch of other little companies, layed off the workers and so we are slammed with calls. They say you can only take one at a time, don't stress it. But its the mood of the customer after waiting for an hour to get to you that ... well... gets to you.

Anyway, I am just finishing a call when I sit back and WHAM! I feel like I am falling, backwards. Hard and fast. The freakiest thing I have ever experienced. Sort of like the feeling you get in a really fast elevator only more so.

At first I just thought, "Whoa!" but when it didn't stop, I started to get really freaked out. What if I pass out? Who would find me, and would they find me in time?

I throw the headset off and stagger into The Boy's room waking him, "What the hell, Mom?"

"Oh, I thought I should come in here in case I pass out, you can call 911. Or at least keep the cat from eating my face."

It lasted about 3 or 4 minutes but for the next three days I did not feel right. A few hours after I went up to the drug store and had my blood pressure checked. 179 over 99, not good. The next day it was only down to 154 over 96.

No, I did not go to the emergency room. I know, shut up!

Finally on Sunday when I still was feeling weird, I call the 'walk-in' clinic to see when they open. "Ya, we are done registering for the day."

WTF? "What does that mean?"

"We are done registering for the day, it is very busy." So, basically, don't bother 'walking in' cuz no one will see you.

What the hell kind of walk in clinic is that? I was not aware that you could pre-register. And if you can pre-register, why not make an appointment with your own fucking doctor? Mine was on vacation til Monday or I wouldn't be contemplating the walk-in clinic.

She is just lucky I didn't 'walk in' cuz at that point I would have gone postal.

So, there I am, feeling weird and as luck would have it, not a thing to eat or drink in the house. Bunnie suggests going for groceries but I am scared to drive, cuz I feel so weird. So she offers to take me. "Would you mind? Just in case I take a nose dive, you can position me in a less humiliating position til the EMT's get there." HA! Probably not the best idea I have had all week. But I will leave that story for another day.

Finally, on Monday, my doctor is back. I spend all morning in between each call trying to get through to her. When I finally do, the only appointment she has is 7:15 at night. Now I work 10-2 and 7-11, so I have to split the second half of my split shift so I can make the appointment. I work from 5-7 and plan to go back on after seeing the doctor from 9-11.

Long story short...my doctor wants me off the phones. She wanted 2 months, I agreed to 3 weeks. She writes the note and I am back home by 9. My manager works days so he wasn't available to talk to and since I had no experience with short term disability, I get on the phone to finish my shift.

We actually go out of queue at 9:30 so I am chatting on messenger with a Tier2 support person, as I am telling her about my day she says..."CALL ME!"

"What date is on that note?"

"Uh, today's."

"Uh, get off the phones. Now!"

Apparently, if I were to drop dead and they found a note from my doctor saying I was not supposed to be working, The Boy would be set for life after the lawyers got through with them. Who knew?

So, there you have it. I am off work for 3 weeks and I am not sure what I am going to do with myself. Well, when I am not having stress tests and sonograms on my heart and being drained of blood from some vampire at the hospital not to mention the insurance paperwork. All these things (and more) are in my immediate future.

Bandits!

I put the compost bag on the deck for The Boy to take down to the bin, then forgot to tell him.



These guys were on top of it though.