Me and 'The Bride' took her teenage daughter and a friend to the drive-in tonight. We thought it might be fun. Unfortunately, we often fail to think these things through.
For the long weekend they were offering 4 features. I had no illusions that I could last for all 4 but I was hoping that I could at least stay awake for two.
The first one was in progress when we arrived. Barnyard. It was funny. However, the lead, Otis, played by Kevin James, had an udder.
Now I am no farmer, but I am pretty sure the male cows don't have udders. Please correct me if I am wrong. This prompted a deep philosophical discussion between 'The Bride' and I about the film industry's obligation to anatomical accuracy versus the delicate psyche of 5 year olds (the target audience) who would probably not appreciate what a bull had to offer. Considering that said bull would be standing upright throughout most of the movie.
The second was Miami Vice. We were half an hour into it and I still had no idea what the hell was going on. The writing was bad, as I said, I had no idea what was going on. The acting was atrocious, they just phoned in the performances. Worst of all the camera work was so bad it made me nauseous. We didn't even have the soundtrack to fall back on. In a nut shell? It was 2 hours I will never get back.
Before Miami Vice was even over I was trying to bribe the girls so we could fuck off home. I was not looking forward to Pulse, since I am no good with horror movies, and 'The Bride' had already slept through half of Miami Vice anyway.
Finally they gave in for pie. Who knew, teenage girls will do anything for pie?