And another thing...

Talent is sometimes a curse.

The boy has decided to become Itzhak Perlman. I spent yesterday hunting down a fiddle for him.

I know, your saying, (in a really snotty voice) "Excuse me, it is called a violin." But I don't care what you call it cuz you're dumb. No, you shut up.

I put it out there that I was looking for one and my nephew actually had one. Who knew? Anyway he was really accommodating and offered to drop it off to me at work. I should have known something was up.

So I finally get out of the building (my final call was actually 4 hours and 18 minutes) and the fiddle is in the back seat of my car. Wow, he is good.

I get it home and the boy is all over it like a fat kid on cake. Ten minutes later he is actually playing a song. I kid you not.

Just a heads up to those parents out there that think it might be cute to have their little angels take 'violin' lessons? Those fucking things are LOUD.

No, no, you don't understand. When I say loud, I mean really fucking loud! Earth-shattering, glass breaking, ear-splitting loud. This thing is louder than his guitar with the amp on 11.

After he got bored with the actual song he was playing he started experimenting. Seeing just what kind of sounds (not to be confused with music) he can get it to make.

Imagine a cat in heat, right after being hit by a car, screaming in pain.

Only inside your head.

If your little darlings ever present you with the choice between electric guitar and fiddle (even if they snooty-ly refer to it as a violin) please, for the love of God and all things holy, protect your sanity and go for the guitar. Right now I am trying to figure out how I can talk him into trading in the fiddle for a set of drums. Yes, it is just that bad.

At least with the guitar you can listen to them slaughter some really cool music instead of 'We Three Kings'.

Oh, the humanity!