Thursday, October 13, 2005

How did you get this number?

"Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Customer Service Center™ my name is blah blah blah..."

Customer calls in, she has purchased Product A. It included a tutorial, which you need Product B to view. You don't have to purchase Product B, there is a free viewer download you can use instead. She never gives me the chance to tell her this.
CUSTOMER: "I purchased Product A, it says it is designed for Product B but it is not on the disk."
ME: "Product A?"
CUSTOMER: "No Product B, it is telling me it is not on the computer, but the box says it is designed for Product B so Product B IS on the disk."
ME: "No, it says it is designed for Product B and you don't have it."
CUSTOMER: "But it says it is included."
ME: "No it says it is designed for Product B."
CUSTOMER: "Ya, that means it is supposed to be included." In what universe?
ME: "Consider this, Product B costs $400. You paid $60 for Product A, did you really think Product B was included?"


CUSTOMER: This is a rip off! CLICK

And the conspiracy theory guy. He is always fun.

CUSTOMER: "I want to report a bug, and if you don't fix it I will file a complaint with the De.par.tme.nt of"
ME: "Ok, shoot."
CUSTOMER: "Your OS is preventing me from installing a different OS on my system."
ME: "How's that?" Can't wait to hear this one.
CUSTOMER: "It is intentionally deleting track 00 on every one of my cd's. So I cannot make a boot disk."
ME: "Let's get some additional information."

He is running an OS that is 6 years old. Let's call it 'Doors You'.

ME: "And what OS are you trying to install. Li.nix?"
ME: "Is that"
ME: "Really, I wasn't aware they even had an OS on the market." Neither did you, you say? Not suprising, considering the last version came out in '96.
CUSTOMER: "Yes they do, and the Undisclosed Computer Software Company™ is activly sabotaging my attempts to install it on my pc." Like we give a shit.

I won't draw this out, you can see where it was going. This guy was going to take this all the way to the supreme court. I gave him his support options for the 5 year old software that he did have on his system. Considering it does not have its own CD burning capabilities, it is most likely the third party software he is using that is causing his cd's to be ruined. Or it could possibly be the fact that he is a moron and did not download (yes I said download) the OS2 software properly. It was going to cost him, and I am not sure how we could help with the other OS, but we would give it a try. He was fun.

CUSTOMER: "I am not paying for this. You will give me free support or I will file a complaint with the DOJ."
ME: "Ok then, is there anything else I can help you with? No, then thanks for calling the Undisclosed Customer Service Center™, you have a nice day."

Next crayon.

1 comment:

shelley said...

OK. I deal w/ crayons who pay to be in my classes, but I cannot fathom the crayons who call you.

You *are* my inspiration and hero. :)