Monday, July 11, 2005

Stupidity. Not just for customers anymore.


I know I pick on the lowly computer home user. They are not the only ones calling me with absolutely stupid requests. (if you want to insert funny accent for tech, go ahead)

TECH: Starts to babble on about tech things, what he has tried with this customer, what he wants to try next. "What do you think?"
ME: "I think you should call your mentor."
TECH: "The mentor line is busy."
ME: "So you thought 'hey, I can't fix this, and the more experienced techs are not available, so I think I will call customer service? Did you want me to send Gerry the Janitor over and you can consult with him? Give your head a shake."<-CLICK->

TECH: "We are installing this operating system and we need a bypass key for activation."
ME: "What is wrong with the key the customer has?"
TECH: "We already used that one on his laptop."
ME: "Did he purchase a second OS?"
TECH: "No."
ME: "Then No."
TECH:Then very snotty, "If you wouldn't mind checking the case notes, there is a note from my mentor that authorizes me to call cc for a bypass key."
ME: "How nice for you, but I could care less. If your 'mentor' wants to give you the key he can fill his boots. OS software keys are one license for one installation. If I were to give you another I would be actively pirating the software."
TECH: "Really?"
ME: "I'm sorry, are you new?" <-CLICK->

TECH: "Ya, I need a bypass key for office upgrade."
ME: "Does the customer have a qualifying product?"
TECH: "No."
ME: "Then, no."
Insert snotty comment about checking case for mentor note
ME: "Did you delete the customers qualifying product?" Which does happen and we don't penalize the customer for our mistake.
TECH: "No."
ME: "Look, your 'mentor' has access to the tool. If he wants to give this guy four hundred bucks worth of software he can go right ahead, but I am not. That would be piracy. If your customer wants a full version product he has to purchase it." Who trained these people?

TECH: "I need you to redirect this customer. I am an XP tech and this case was created for office." He gives me the case number and, look at that, he is right. Says so clearly that it is office. Along with the proper transfer code for that department.
ME: "Are you kidding me? How long did you wait on hold for me?"
TECH: "Five minutes."
ME: "And all the while, staring at the proper transfer code for this customer? Why didn't you just transfer him there?"
TECH: "Ah...." <-CLICK->


TECH: "We just finished the install and we need to be transferred to activation."
ME: "So, why didn't you just call activation?"
TECH: "Ah..."
ME: "Not your secretary." <-CLICK->

2 comments:

Unknown said...

I shouldn't laugh coz I can imagine how frustrated you get but it's damn funny the way you tell it.

meanwhile my son is drawing pictures of dogs and telling me one is a comrade dog and the other is a candy dog. He's three and already knows about communism in Russia.

Anonymous said...

not all techs are stupid, some of us came from cc remember...lol...i know better than to call you guys for anything, i might get yelled at. cranky buggers. :D