Sunday, February 8, 2004

Must have dialed the phone with his face.

�...its asking me for a qualifying product.�

�The version you have is an upgrade version, you have to have a previous version installed before it will work.�

�I have to buy two versions?�

�No, Sir, the version you bought was an upgrade, it upgrades a previous version. It is not a full version. That is why it was half the price of the full version. If you don't have a previous version I can instruct you on how to get your money back for it, and go out and buy a full version of the product.�

�How could you sell a product that was not a full version, I should be able to install this and have it work. I want to speak to tech support.�

Ok, maybe he doesn�t understand the Queen�s English.

�Certainly, Sir, but they won�t be able to help you without a previous version of the product. You can�t upgrade something you don�t have. Buying new tires for a car you don�t have, doesn�t make the car magically appear.� He didn't enjoy the analogy, he is screaming now.

�I can�t believe you people put out a product that doesn�t have the whole fucking program on it, that is ludicrous!� I can�t believe they sell tires that aren�t attached to new cars, but that's just me.

I start to talk over him, he is still ranting about the boss having more money than God, but that is just crazy, everyone knows God doesn't use money. Jeez! �Well we put out the upgrades so that you don�t have to buy the full version every time you want to be current with your software, and we sell them for half the price of a full version.�

�That�s crazy, you can�t put out software that is not complete!�
Is this guy for real? Am I on camera? I stand up and have a look around.

�Well, Sir, I can give you instructions on how to get your money back for this product and you can go out and buy a full version, that would have the complete program on it.�

�But that one is twice the price of this one!�
By George, I think he's got it!

�I explained why they are different prices, One is an upgrade, so basically we are giving you a break if you are a previous customer. If you do not have a previous version, you have to pay the full price.�

�You people are just trying to make me pay more money!� Ok, that did it.

I have a rule. If you say �you people� twice in a conversation, you will be mysteriously disconnected. Hardly matters, I don�t think this guy could actually work the software even if he somehow got it installed.

I am pretty sure you have to have opposable thumbs.

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