Sunday, August 17, 2003

My very first Redneck Relay call.

"Thank you for calling Undisclosed Customer Service Center� my name is�.�

�Ya, I got thet thur virus yaw�ll been sendin�.�

CHEESE AND RICE! I can�t even be bothered to correct this moron. Thankfully at this point we are just sending them all through to tech support. No more trying to talk them through the solution.

�Ok, Brenda, what I will be doing is just verifying your version of the software and seeing if I can get you through to tech support. What version are you running?� Basically we will help anyone except for the people with pirated software. For free, I might add.

�Day ell�

�Ok, it�s a Dell computer, but what version of the software are you running?�


�Ok, can I get you to right click on my computer��

JEEZ, she didn�t even put her hand over the receiver. My eardrums have now burst.

�Brenda, are you in front of the computer?�

�No, da phone don�t reach.�
Give me strength. At this point we are about 5 minutes into the call and I decide to start timing it.

So we start the process, I give Brenda the instructions, and she screams them to Clayton, and it is losing something in the translation. I can hear him screaming back that ..� IT DON SAY NUTTIN� LIKE DAT DER�

I get the bright idea to maybe talk to Clayton, since he seems to be the one working the computer. It takes a bit of coaxing, but Brenda shoves the phone at him.

�Hi, is this Clayton?�

In a dumb as dirt monotone this crayon says, �Brenda�

�But your name is Clayton?�

Whatever! I don�t know what this hicks problem is but if he wants me to call him Brenda, I will.

What I though could happen was that I would give this guy the instructions on how to get the information I needed off the computer and he would go and do it. THINK AGAIN! I give him the instructions and then I hear��.�MAW! CLICK ON THE COMPUTER!�

GOD HELP ME. {Heavy Sigh} �Let me speak to your mother again.� The timer has just hit 32 minutes.

�Brenda, what I need to do is verify your software. Is there no way that you can get the phone over to where the computer is?�

�It don�t reach no how.�

�Even if I can get this information from you it will be almost impossible for the tech to be able to help you unless you are sitting in front of the computer.�
She is pondering this, she really doesn�t want to spend more time on hold, but she understands that she will have to be in front of the computer.

�Oh ok, Well I do have a cordless, but I s�pose dat won�t work, its in da udda room.�


Deep breath Evel, �Brenda, go get the cordless and sit in front of the computer, please.�

A minute and a half later I have her info and I am transferring her. The timer reads 37.5 add that to the 5 min before I set it and that is 42.5 minutes that I will never get back.

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