Crayon from hell!
Last night, I had a screamer. Always fun, the very last call of the night.
It stared out sane enough.
�Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Customer Service Center� my name is Evel, how may I help you.�
A nice boy starts to tell me what problem he is having and I start gathering his information.
Then I hear what I can only describe as a banshee in the background, Justin is trying to give me his info and the banshee is having some sort of fit.
�Is there a problem Justin?�
�One sec.� He proceeds to tell the banshee to shut her f�ing mouth and let him talk so he can get through to tech support.
The banshee was having none of it. Justin is in mid sentence when the banshee picks up the extension.
�WHAT THE FUCK IS TAKING SO LONG, WHY AREN�T YOU HELPING MY SON? I AM PAYING FOR SUPPORT AND I HAVE BEEN ON HOLD FOR 35 FUCKING MINUTES.�
�Well ma�am I am just getting some information and creating a case so I can send Justin through for tech support.�
�THIS IS VERY UNPROFESSIONAL, I HAVE PAID GOOD MONEY AND I SHOULD BE TALKING TO A TECHNICIAN NOW!�
I try and calm her down, by what she was saying I thought she had already gone through the process and was on hold for tech support and didn�t like the wait time. I tried to tell her that unfortunately with the virus problem we were experiencing high call volume and everyone had to wait. I am trying to talk over her, but she is very loud, and I am loud and pretty soon everyone in the place can hear me trying to get this quiff�s information.
�BUT I PAID GOOD MONEY FOR TECH SUPPORT� She has obsolete software, everyone who is still running it is paying for it.
I ask her if she has a case number, she is still ranting but after a couple of minutes she finally gives up her phone number. I find her in the system. Flashes up the ying yang. She has been here before and there are warnings that she is a screamer. Flashes are sort of a heads-up from other CSR�s who have dealt with her. Her information is there but no case. This does not go over well, she is the president of her own company and she should be treated with respect. Blah blah blah. Some company if she couldn�t afford to update the computer system in at least the past 5 years.
�So, you have not spoken to a technician yet?�
�NO! I TOLD YOU I HAVE BEEN WAITING ON HOLD FOR 35 FUCKIN MINUTES! AND I HAVE PAID GOOD MONEY NOT TO BE PUT ON HOLD! �
�Excuse me ma�am but what you are saying is that you are upset because you have been on hold to talk to me? You put your credit card information in the phone?�
�YOUR FUCKING RIGHT I DID AND I DO NOT APRECIATE BEING KEPT WAITING.�
�Ma�me, until I answer your call, I have absolutely no way of knowing that you have paid. This is not a psychic line.� This was out of my face before I could stop it.
"WHAT IS YOUR NAME?�I WILL BE SPEAKING WITH THE HEAD OF YOUR SOFTWARE COMPANY AND I WILL HAVE YOUR JOB.� Ya sure, right after you talk personally to the President of the United States. You will probably have more luck getting him on the line. �I CAN�T BELIEVE I AM STILL NOT TALKING TO A TECHNICIAN, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?�
�My problem? First of all ma�am, you are screaming at me, second I still have to get some information from you because I have no idea what your problem is so I have no idea where to send you.� It�s not just me and tech guy Gerry sitting here. �I need to know exactly what the problem is to redirect you properly.�
It was all I could do not to tell this bitch to fuck off and hook her.
Finally, ignoring the banshee altogether, Justin and I finished setting up a case and I transferred him. I was kind to
The good news is, after all that, tech support for the banshee�s software is in one of those countries where they don�t eat cows and everyone is just working long enough to save enough money to buy a 7-11 in Des Moines.
There IS a God.
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