Wednesday, August 16, 2006

I am told you can't beat them. I blame Oprah.

Just got the 'official' call from Allison in HR. I am scheduled to start XP training on Monday morning at ...brace yourself...SEVEN EH EM!!!!

Holy Crap. Have I ever done anything at 7AM besides stagger back home? This could get hairy.

There is an upside. Since I am working so early in the morning, I will not be available to drive the boy to school. Therefore,-- drum roll please --, he will have to stay with his father for the entire month of September!!!

I will miss my baby terribly. (Did that sound sarcastic? Cuz that's what I was going for.)

I love the boy, but he is 15, and he is an asshole. He began his illustrious career (as an asshole) at the tender age of 13 and has maintained it perfectly ever since. If there was a Nobel prize for asshole, he would win it hands down.

He used to love me, now I am just the person who maintains him. I am to work extra hours in order for him to live in the manner he has become accustomed to.I work and he spends. You would not believe the look I get if I happen to get off work early. Like he was scraping something offensive off his very expensive sneakers.

And heaven help you if you don't have any money when he wants some. "What did you spend all 'the' money on?" Not my money, money that I work for but 'the' money. 'The' money that is supposed to be at his disposal.

And for the love of all things holy, do not ever ask him to do a chore. The drama that goes on would put William Shatner to shame. Honestly, after 2 years of this, I would much rather dance naked around a stripper pole covered in razor blades, being sprayed down with rubbing alcohol than ask him to do anything. It's just not worth it, even if he eventually does what you asked.

So a month of solitude? I am looking forward to it.

I am told that eventually in his 20's he will turn back into a human, but 20 seems so far away when your trying to wade though mountains of empty pop cans to get to the dishes that you have to do before you can lay your head down for some peace.

Oh right, there is no peace, he has to practice his guitar. Three more hours of 'Master of Puppets' before you can have peace. And thanks to Oprah and other tree huggers like her, you can no longer beat your children. More's the pity.

If I am lucky, perhaps I will go deaf? Of course, then I would have to deal with the poking. I just can't win.


Radmila said...

Oh, the distant memories you will have when he's grown out of it....oh, the embarassing stories you will have for his future wife and children....oh, yes...payback does come...not to mention the smirk you'll get to keep on your face permanently as he parents his own kids...LOL

kelly said...

just hit him. could i hit him for you? agh i can't remember being thaaaaat bad but i'm a girl :D

kelly said...

just hit him. could i hit him for you? agh i can't remember being thaaaaat bad but i'm a girl :D

Alaric said...

On behalf of all teenaged young men, I apologize for your son and his tendency towards being an asshole. It IS part of growing up, but I know my mother has had similar pains with me, especially with money. I have a job now, so she is free from all that. That could work for your son?