Pistols at 40 paces.
So we finally brave the 150,000 kilometers to Antigonish for my son's ear appointment. Ok, so it's not that far, but it might as well be. I live in Canada and it's March. I am talking snow people, weather makes everything seem farther away. This appointment was rescheduled 3 times because of weather.
The stupid ear guy won't see us up here till we first meet in his office in Antigonish. It's all about the ability to bill the government.
Anyway, it takes us 45 minutes to get there and we go into the office. I had forgotten what a great bedside manner this moron has.
The whole time we were there (which incidentally was a grand total of 5 minutes) he spoke like the boy was not in the room. In a hoity toity British accent.
(If your playing along, read this while tilting your head back and looking down your nose. Speak as if something were nauseating you. Draw out the sentences and drip them with disdain.)
"Is he allergic to any medications?"
"Been hospitalized in the last 12 months?"
"Any issues with runny nose?" I finally look at the boy. How the hell should I know, he's 15. I stopped blowing his nose 10 years ago.
"Um, he's sittin' right there, why don't you ask him." This is when I get the first of many snotty looks from Heir Doctor. I know, he's British but he seemed like a nazi.
"Does he snore?" He is not going to speak to the boy.
"Does anyone in the household smoke?"
"Just me." He looks up over his glasses, really great snotty look. I am going to remember that one so I can use it myself. It was impressive.
"There will be no smoking within 100 meters of the child." The boy gets a smug look on his face.
"We have two options. One being inserting tubes in his eardrums."
"Whoa, we're going right to the scalpel?" Another snotty look.
"Two we can try medication..."
"That sounds better than cutting him open. I just have the one, you see..." He is generous with the snotty looks. I think it might be a physical thing, he has several really good snotty looks.
"Fine, we will start with these." He passes me a prescription. "Then we will test his hearing again. These medications will be taken by the child continuously without interruption." Heil Hitler! Geez, I almost said that out loud.
So we leave the office and the first thing out of the boys mouth is, "Ah Ha, you have to smoke 100 meters away from me."
"No, you are going to have to be 100 meters away from me when I smoke. Hope you have some good shoes. We should pick up a tape measure so you know when to stop."