Monday, June 23, 2003

All quiet on the western front.

Sundays are pretty damn slow at the Undisclosed Customer Service Center� and usually I sign up for �go home early�.

Here�s how it works, you put your name on a list and if they feel that the call volume is low, they get a call from on high that they can send some people home. Now the people on the list are not sent home first come first served. There are two shifts, 10-6 and 11-7. No matter where on the list the 10-6�s are they go first. This month I am unfortunately on 11-7, so guess what, I didn�t get home early.

Call volume on Sundays are, as I said, very low. I think I took about 20 calls all day, where on a normal shift it would be between 50 and 60. And unfortunately the people who call on a Sunday are (how to put it delicately?) dumb as posts. It�s mindnumbingly dull to sit with nothing to do for 10 or 15 minutes, add to that a call from some crayon who can�t even tell you what version of Window�s he is running on his system. How do you not know this? I decided to make a list today (since I was pretty much twiddling my thumbs all fucking day) of just what some people DO NOT know.

The Undisclosed Customer Service Center� Presents�..

DUH...I DON�t KNOW�and other such lame answers.

Q:What version of windows are you running? (you see it every fucking time you start your computer.)
A: I don�t know. I think its version 8.

Q:May I have your phone number?
A:Just a sec�..(long silence) Mom, whats the phone number?

Q:What time zone are you in Bubba?
A:It�s five o�clock.(how do you NOT know what time zone you are in?)

Q:Do you have a �My Computer� icon on your desktop?
A:Your computer? (Yes idiot, reach through the phone and click on my computer)

Q:May I ask who the manufacturer of your computer is?

Q:Can I get you to �right� click on that? (two buttons on the mouse, jeez)
A:Should I use a marker?

Q:How did you obtain this software?
A:I downloaded it from the internet.

Q:Is that written in black marker?
A:Ya, and I smudged the product key, can you give me another. (NO, YOU FUCKING CRAYON! I CAN NOT GIVE YOU ANOTHER!)

Q:Do you want to add an email address to this case?
A:Ya, 123 West Fifty third street, apartment 3a�..
ME:No sir, an email address.
CRAYON: Oh, no I�m not comfortable giving my email address out. (Oh, you can tell me which window to climb through so I can blow your fucking brains out while you sleep, but you won�t part with the email address?)

Q:Is your number lock key on?
A:What�s that?

Q:Ok, sir, can you right click on my computer?
A:No I�m calling you from a phone booth.

Then I answer the phone and immediately get a baby screaming in my ear. And this guy procedes to get upset with me because I can�t hear what he is saying.


Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Customer Service Center� you have a nice day.

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