Sometimes I am a danger to myself.

There is absolutely nothing creepier than having something crawl across your face.

I am laying in bed, the alarm goes off. I slowly regain conciousness. What is that? Something tickling my forehead. Stray hair? I start to sit up.

HOLY FUCK IT IS CRAWLING TOWARDS MY EYE!

I freak out and instead of brushing it off, I am in a panic. All I want is for whatever it is to be dead. I can't imagine what it is, but I am sure it has more than two legs and am positive I wouldn't like it on me.

Without thinking I haul off and smack the thing. I didn't consider in doing so that I might hurt myself. I hit it with as much force as I would imagine it would take to fell a NFL linebacker.

I literally punched myself in the face. Knocking myself backwards on the bed and almost unconscious.

It was an ant, and it is most definitely dead. I believe I will have a shiner.

I am so fucking scarred for life. All day I kept imagining that I was seeing them crawling on me.

I gotta get back on my meds.

Am I missing something?

I have been assaulted by this commercial every 10 minutes for the last week or so. First impression? This guy totally creeps me out. I am not all that sure why, but he seems so ... what is the word I am looking for? SMARMY? Is that a word?



Then I think, who the hell is this guy anyway? Am I supposed to know who he is? He is way too creepy to be a nobody. I mean would they risk creeping people out with the commercial if he wasn't some sort of celebrity? This commercial has got to make sense to someone. Why else would they have made it?

Finally, not being able to stand it another second, I was compelled to Google it. I was willing to bet he was a washed up porn star or something. I was wrong.

Apparently someone in Hamilton must know him. Although, with a name like that, he was born to be a porn star.