Friday, December 5, 2008

I never felt more like an orphan.

We had some snow last week. Not much but a foot or so, wet and heavy. The kind that forms ice underneath. Well I was looking to order a pizza and knew that the delivery man would not come up the stairs unless they were cleared.

A dilemma, since I could not find my shovel. So out I go to clear the snow with just my feet and a hammer (for the inch of ice that is under it).

The pizza was not worth it. The next morning (around 4:30am) I am awakened by the call of nature. I roll over to get out of bed and the searing pain shoots up my spine.

I can't move, it is excruciating. I start to panic. I can't get out of bed and I don't have a phone nearby. What do I do? How long can I stay here before someone even notices that they haven't heard from me in a while? Work will call if I don't show up, but I still won't be able to get to the phone.

"I have to get out of this bed!"

After about half an hour I am finally in the bathroom. I do my business and am about to inch my way back to my bed, when it hits me. "What if I can't get out of bed the next time? What if I have to call an ambulance or something? I better take a shower while I am here." The whole 'clean underwear' thing your mamma warned you about.

An hour later I am fluffed and folded and back in bed with the cordless, the cell phone and my little laptop beside me. I have no real sense that I can recover from this injury since i have no drugs and I don't even have a hot water bottle to help ease the pain.

I look over and in the doorway are my two cats, Milo and Sammy.

They are just sitting there, side-by-side in the doorway, staring at me and I imagine the conversation between them.
MILO: "How long before you think we can start eating her face?"
SAMMY: "Dunno, lets just keep an eye on her."

At that point I start to really panic, I tried to call Nurse Darling, no answer. Bunnie has no car (it bought the farm the week before) The Boy is in school and my sister is 5 hours away in New Brunswick. I am completely alone in the world.

I am about to descend into complete despair when I think of something. I drag my laptop over and frantically email the only person I could think of, Tracey.

I cried like a baby when I saw her. She came to my rescue with a hot water bottle, some drugs and a hamburger. Because, well, everyone knows a Big Mac can cure cancer.

You really do find out who your friends are.


Anonymous said...

omg i almost pissed myself laughing, sorry but your misfortune entertains. anyways, i bet you find your shovel now!!

Evel said...

Actually, the landlord told the kid downstairs to come up and shovel any time it snows.

ME! said...

Are you okay now? Did you see a chiropractor?

Anonymous said...

even better, a slave! hopefully he's reliable lol

Evel said...

This morning, he shoveled the step, the walkway and a path to my car. Then he cleaned off the car.

That boy is a keeper.