I'm glad you asked...
Long walks on the beach - why do people put that shit in every single personal ad? If this were a true statement then, at any given moment, you should be able to go to the beach and meet a shitload of people. Doesn't sound very romantic to me.
Anything else I can help you with? Rhetorical question. Fuck off, I am going to transfer you.
On the virus line there are three phone options. Press one if you would like a fax sent to you on sasser. Press two if you would like to speak to a technician. Press three if you would like a fax sent to you on protecting your pc. Otherwise (I apologize to the rednecks for the three syllable word, I think this is what throws them) stay on the line and a customer service agent will be with you shortly. WHAT IS THE FUCKING PROBLEM? You sit on hold waiting for me to get to you only to tell me you want to speak to a technician. OPTION 2 YOU F'ING CRAYON!
Public shows of affection. Cute in small doses, but please do not lick your boyfriends face in my presence or I shall bitch slap you. It's just gross, not to mention unsanitary.
Mi.cro.so.ft is a software company. You DO NOT have a Mi.cro.so.ft computer, we did not send you a computer, your Mi.cro.so.ft IS NOT broke. Wi.nd.ows and Of.fice are two completely different programs you cannot update one with the other. When you are trying to connect to the internet and the error message says username and password incorrect, use your head and call your ISP. Mi.cro.so.ft is NOT the internet. Before calling me and ripping a strip off me about your software being defective, please make sure it is actually Mi.cro.so.ft software, I will smite you.
We DO NOT make viruses, nor do we send them to you. (trust me, I checked) Do not get up in my face when we can't solve your issue in one call. It was you who chose to ignore the warnings and to not protect your pc, the call is free.
Those stickers that proclaim the name of the dealership where you purchased your car. WTF? I paid thousands of dollars for the privilege of advertising your business? I don't fucking think so, off it comes.
Comment, for fuck sake!
A man hits a woman once, its his fault. If she chooses to stay with the asshole, any time he hits her after that, its all her. We are not living in some backwater country, get with the fucking program.
If you do not like your life, stop whining and change it. I am sick of hearing about it.
Old guys with face piercings. If you are over 40, clean cut and presentable, a unobtrusive eyebrow ring is sexy. However if you look as though you have been rode hard and put up wet, a nose ring is not going to enhance your appearance in any way shape or form.
Monster Trucks = dick extension
Large Dogs = dick extension
Flashy cars = dick extension
Your not fooling anyone with that comb over.
Beer guts are NOT attractive.
Belly shirts should have a weight restriction as well as a sex restriction. If you haven't seen your shoes in a while, chances are belly shirts are not for you.
Circus Animals - just because they haven't figured out that they can kill your stupid ass, does not mean they enjoy performing.
People who blame fast food for their obesity. No one is cramming that big mac down your pie hole but you.
Now that that is off my chest....I feel much better.
...to be continued.