Sunday, December 21, 2003

Holiday fun at Undisclosed Customer Service Center�

Now that I am in the Pro section of the Undisclosed Customer Service Center� I no longer deal with the redneck morons of the general public but inevitably a few stragglers get through. I believe these people get through purely for my amusement, and for that I send out a big thank you.

The Pro section of the Undisclosed Customer Service Center� is open 24x7, but consumer is closed at 7pm our time on the weekends. However, some people ignore this and call the Pro line. Last night �Jack� got through at around 9:30pm. There are only 6 of us on duty at this time of day and as luck would have it, it was 3 girls and 3 guys.

Mellissa gets �Jack�, Jack says, �I was looking for a man.� CLICK

Okey dokey.

Jeff takes his last call, its Jack. Jack has Product 98. (obsolete but you can still pay to get support till the first of the year, at that point you are shit out of luck) Jack did not enjoy hearing this. He further did not enjoy the fact that in the event he was willing to part with $35 that no one would help him, cuz the consumer tech support is closed. Much screaming from Jack and several patient �Keep this professional.� sir�s from Jeff later and even Jeff had had enough and hooked him.

Now there is jovial discussion about �Jack�, Mellissa says �When he said he wanted a man, I wanted to say I�m sorry sir this is Undisclosed Customer Service Center� we don�t provide that sort of service.� Good one.

We have had people like �Jack� before, and they inevitably call back, over and over. Full of righteous indignation demanding satisfaction. We all joke about who gets him next. I suggest the �men� log off the phone so he is forced to get one of the girls. Too late, Marc gets �Jack�.

Marc tries to explain, that there is no way we can transfer him even if we wanted to, the techs for that product have gone home. Jack is taking some sort of a seizure at this point and Marc is forced to hook him.

Craig is next, he at least gets his name out before Jack begins his tirade. Jack must have complained about the woman he got first and that he was glad at least Craig was a man. Craig informs him that he had a 50-50 chance of getting a woman since there was an equal amount of men and women on duty. But no matter, there was nothing anyone could do for him because he had called the Pro line Then he must have said that he would pay for professional support. To which Criag informed him the fee was $245, I think Jack swallowed his tongue because the line went dead.

I am giddy at this point because I am next in line. I love this shit. The phone rings, �Hello Jack� I am ready for him. I was waiting for him to comment on the fact that I was a woman because I was going to use Mellisa�s line. But all Jack wanted to do was complain about the men. �The let me waste my breath for 10 minutes telling them my problem, then they interrupt me to tell me they can�t help me.� Jack wouldn�t let them (or me) get a word in edgewise. And I tried repeatedly to interrupt him (cuz I know he loves it) but all he got was more irritated. So I decide to just talk over him. This puts Jack into an even better mood. I can barely keep from laughing in his ear.

In my best sing-song, children's tv show voice I say,�Well, Jack. Unfortunately, as you know, I am going to have to tell you that I can�t help you either. You were given your support options, there is nothing I can do. �

�You are very rude, Evel. I hope you burn in hell.�

�Well, thank you for calling Undisclosed Customer Service Center�, Jack and I will see you there.�

Do you believe he hung up on me?

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