Monday, June 27, 2005

The Emancipation Emasculation Proclamation.


Ever since my psycho adorable cat, Milo, got fixed, (Like he had a choice in the matter.) he has decided that hygiene can take a back seat. He used to be sleek and shiny, now he looks like, well, something the cat dragged in.

Right after the surgery he went to lick his balls and lost his mind. WTF? He walked around growling and meowing loudly at me as if to say, "What the fuck have I ever done to you?"

"You would have started to spray the house."

"What happened to innocent until proven guilty?"

"Dude, it's in your nature. All male cats do it."

"I refuse to be painted with your stereotypical brush. I can't believe I didn't even get a hearing. Jesus! Michael Jackson got a hearing!"

"And look how well that turned out."


After realizing the hopelessness of the situation he just said, "Fuck it, I have no one to impress anymore. And if I can't lick my balls, I ain't lickin' shit!"

"No one to impress? What about me?"

"Bitch, you cut my balls off! Your on your own!"


It may have lost something in the translation.

3 comments:

Who Knew? said...

you spent entirely too much time sitting on that deck suckin up the sun if you had a conversation with your cat...lmao

thebossman said...

I couldn't imagine having my balls cut off, but on the other hand I don't roll around on the floor licking them either!

I do feel bad for him, though! I hope he'll get over it. Let me know where I can send him a get well card.

song said...

in his defense, my male cat (who unfortunately died recently) NEVER sprayed. in fact, I odn't think he even knew he had balls coz he was the... u-hem, pussy of my three cats, the other two are female.

Now that the balled-to-the-end male is gone the two neutered females are all very cuddly, they have no femininist ideals anymore. I need a new male cat.