Friday, January 17, 2003

Oh its coming! I can feel it.

I�m starting to get sick. You know that feeling you get when your not sick right now but you don�t feel right so you know you are going to get sick. That is how I feel today. Half way through the day I started to sneeze and one nostril began that exasperating constant dripping thing. {gross}

When I feel like this I get irritable. Not to be confused with the PMS irritable, the PMS irritable is more happy go lucky (unless you are not me) I get giddy and literally bask in my bitchyness. I scream at other motorists and laugh loudly at the ridiculousness of it all.

But I digress, today I am just irritable so of course I will take this opportunity to bitch whine express my displeasure with the things that, well, displease me.

ABS BREAKS: What rocket scientist came up with this truly useless invention. He obviously did not live anywhere where breaking was a must (like anywhere there is snow). When I apply my breaks on any surface that is remotely slippery, I get this grinding clunking sound and surprise surprise I do not stop. My breaks do not lock�...but they also do not stop my car. Every time this happens (which is every time I try to stop my car) I can�t help but wonder what was going though those peoples minds. Did they just roll this piece of shit off the assembly line and upon hearing the clunking and the grinding thought �Wow, what a great invention. Nice work Bubba�. If you live in a colder climate you know that ABS breaks are for morons who don�t know how to steer out of a skid.

Short break for fit of sneezing, I am up to 6 in a row, a personal best.

PACKAGING: Hotdogs come in packs of 12, buns come in packs of 8. What�s up with that?

COLD FEET: I have them.

LUCI: The last couple nights it has been bitterly cold. When this happens my cat decides that instead of shitting outside, she will use the bathroom. Not a pleasant discovery first thing in the morning. If she would just leave it out in the open I suppose I could be a mite bit understanding about her predicament but of course she has to burry it under a towel. (Cat Shit Surfing)

NON SMOKERS: I applaud you, you are of course, a higher being than I with more self control and virtuous character. Now FUCK OFF!

OPRAH WINFREY: Ok, everyone that wants to �feel good� has already seen the show. Now FUCK OFF!

{{{HUGGY}}} CHAT PEOPLE: What the fuck is that? Is that supposed to make me feel all warm and fuzzy, when you {{{HUG}}} me three and a half seconds after you meet me? Ya, that�s sincere. You know who you are, you get your nose out of joint when I don�t {{{HUG}}} back.

SPAM: Does any of that shit actually generate revenue? Has anyone ever visited one of those sites? You did? Oh, sorry. Your mother must be so proud.


PEOPLE WITH NO JOB WHO CALL YOU ON SATURDAY MORNING AT 8AM AND ASK YOU WHAT YOUR DOING: There is a village somewhere searching for its idiot.

WRITERS BLOCK: Ummm, Ummm Uhhh.

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