Wednesday, October 23, 2002

How do I tell my cult leader, �It�s over.�?

I sell Mary Kay cosmetics.

Ok, sell isn�t the best word to describe what I am doing with Mary Kay. I basically buy a whole lot of shit I don�t need and can never sell and then store it in my home. I suck at it.

My cult leader sales director is very good at it. She is bubbly and enthusiastic and says stuff like �Super� and �Awesome�. She even mails the newsletter to �The Awesome Evel Woman�. Every time I speak to her my eyes get sore from rolling back in my head so often.

I call her my cult leader because when she calls me I have absolutely no intention of buying anything and by the time she is done with me I have $400 worth of product making its way to my house before we even hang up. She can�t understand why I am not thrilled. I am just not Mary Kay material. To sell this stuff you need to be one of �those� girls. The kind of girl I used to make fun of in High School. Pep rally, cheerleader, glee club kind of girl. The kind of girl that �air� kisses hello and goodbye. Hell I don�t do that with my family, I am not doing it to complete strangers.

I couldn�t sell air conditioners in hell, and I�m ok with that. But my cult leader isn�t. She is hanging on to me by her fingernails but the deprogramming is working. Don�t get me wrong, Mary Kay is a great company and you can make a shitload of money (my cult leader is on her 5th car) but you just have to have �that� kind of personality and I don�t.

I am not the kind of person that should be dealing with the public. At least that is what I was told when I applied to MacDonald's back in high school. My mother couldn�t believe I didn�t get the job,

�Evel! They hire retarded people at MacDonald's!� (she wasn�t very politically correct but she had a point)

No comments: