THE ORDER
I just saw what could quite possibly be the worst Jean-Claude van Damme film ever made. And believe me I have seen them all. I make a point to see them all simply for the gratuitous butt shot that is sure to show up somewhere (however inappropriately) in the film. Well sorry girls, I was thoroughly disappointed. Apart from a couple of fleeting glimpses of bare chest and a chaste peck from the heroine at the end, there was nothing. Not even one of those splits things he seems to work into all of the story lines. Come to think of it, pretty much all his films are stinkers. But I guess I never realized it, I was too busy waiting for and admiring his bare ass.
Since there was nothing to gawk at, I had to rely on the story. Bad idea. Doesn't this man make enough money yet to be able to afford a decent script? I really couldn't tell you what it was about. It was set in Israel, something about some religious fanatics. But beyond that, I am at a loss.
However, I was really surprised to find out that pretty much every living soul in Israel is apparently a karate expert. Ya learn something new everyday. I was expecting machine guns, maybe the odd sword fight, but the karate thing threw me. And how he worked a car chase in with a shitload of camels on the streets was truly amazing.
I can't believe this film made any money for him or the studio.
Take my advice Jean, drop your drawers for the next one. A quick shot of those buns-o-steel and we could care less what the story is about. Ya might make a few bucks next time.
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