Elvis has left the building!

Was sitting in the smoking area at work the other day and PW came out.

VISUAL: Minimal makup, baggy jeans, oversized grungy sweatshirt, sans hooker boots.

Elvis has definately left the building.

On a lighter note.

Just sitting here giggling over commercials. The Keith's Angry Scot commercials are my favorites. They haven't got the Scurvy one up yet (my all time favorite) but here are a couple of the better ones.

Spilly Talker
Neck Brace

And the Joe Canadian commercial. The one we all want every single American on the planet to commit to memory.

Got any favorites you want to share?

A call to arms.

I spent a couple hours on the 23rd rallying the troops.

I came in to submit my resume for the trainer position only to discover that I was but one of two to do so. Not happening, we are not making it that easy for him. If he wants to stack the deck, I will make damn sure it's a full deck.

So, I went through the center bullying encouraging anyone with a resume on the system to submit it for the associate trainer position. People who didn't even want the position, it didn't matter, I even updated a couple myself at home. Now when they give the position to PW, we can all get together to tear the MO a new one.

Won't that be fun?

And they continue to poke the bear. WTF?

Ok, I get that you are pissed off about being a garbage man but don't fling my garbage cans in the middle of my driveway and screech your tires as you drive away. I was not the one who fucked around through high school and now has to clean up after everyone else.

Not sure if I mentioned this before. (just checked, and no I didn't)Big drama surrounding the new training.

There was this one chick in our training class, we will call her PowerWhore or PW for short. First a visual. Long hair to her ass. Caked on makeup, hooker boots and a mini skirt.

PW was the cheerleader of the group. Every time someone said anything negative, she flew up the trainers ass and massaged. "You are such a smart man!" "What can we do to make you feel good about us?" She went so far as to sing to the Extremely Huge Head from the home planet. A song she had learned in 'his' native tongue, Lebanese. Immediately following the song, she asked for a private moment in one of our conference rooms. You can fill in the blanks, use your imagination.

Fast forward to end of training. She is asked to be a SME (Subject Matter Expert). Forget the fact that she has no idea about the subject matter. Then when the second wave of training begins, she announces that "They" (whoever they are) have asked her to come in and 'monitor' the training. Gee, wonder how she got that gig?

Then the rumors begin. She will be 'given' the Associate Trainer position. Needless to say I fire off an email to the Big Giant Head. He says, "No one will be 'given' anything. The position will be posted and qualified person given the job" We'll see.

Next day, job is posted by HR. Start date 19th (but posted on the 22nd) and end date 23rd.

OH NO YOU FUCKING DON'T! I go find my TM.

"You need to go talk to the Big Giant Head, or I will." She really doesn't want that, and neither does the Big Giant Head.

Needless to say they are extending it for a couple of days.

Moral of the story: If you want to get ahead in this world, make damn sure you can sing in a foreign language. Or at the very least look decent in a pair of hooker boots.

Half a bubble offa plumb.

Well another weekend shift under my belt. This one was easier than the last, thank God.

I get home on Saturday afternoon and the neighbors rush out of their house to greet me. "The cops were here last night!"

"Great, what the hell did the boy do now?"

"No." she says, "I asked if it was him and they said the boy was too young. They were looking for someone older." Turns out they told her husband,(the brain surgeon) the name of the boy they were looking for be he forgets. WTF? Four mounties surround your home at 1 in the morning and you forget who they were looking for? That man is half a bubble offa plumb.

Anyway they said they would be back but never did. They must have realized they had the wrong place.

Then this morning I wake up to a strange cat in my living room, the brain surgeons cat came through my screen! And it cannot fly either. Who knew?

I think they might be sharing the whiskas.

Bite Me!

My cousin Sonny's fiance, Rebecca, is finally here in Canada for good. She is from Hong Kong. She has been back and forth a couple times but she is here for good now.

The last time she was here I forgot to ask her to take a look at my tattoo. If you remember my friend and I got identical tattoos last year that said 'bite me' in Chinese. Well that was what we hoped they said. Since neither of us actually speak Chinese, we had to go on faith.

Well when Rebecca walked in today I flashed her the leg and she said,in the most adorable accent, "Oooo, bite you?"

"Well thank God, for all I knew it said 'stupid Canadian'."

I have to remember to tell Kimmy, the friend I got the tattoo with. I remember when we got them we said, "So what if it doesn't say what we want it to say, it's not like we will be running into an actual Chinese person who will point out our stupidity. Right?"

Then Sonny goes and chats up a Chinese chick. Way to make us sweat.

Four days, whatever will I do with myself?

Finished my first 'week' on the new backshift schedule. What fun. Working 1am till 2pm for three days.

The first night was brutal. I could not for the life of me sleep all that day, although I tried. By the time I got into work I was already tired. That first night I didn't get a call till 10:30am.
Nine and a half hours before I got a call! It was rough. We basically just sat around and talked, played cards and bored ourselves stiff. By the time I got home I was that tired that I don't even think I took my shoes off.
I just crashed.

The next night was a little better, although I still only took 3 calls in 13 hours. I at least had a little more sleep. But since there is only 10 hours between the shifts, I didn't get much else accomplished. I got home and was in bed at 2:13pm.

I was really rested for the last shift, and it was a good thing. We actually started to get quite a few calls on Monday morning, but it wasn't till the day shift had already arrived so I still only took 12 calls in total. But before that, we played Trivial Pursuit for about 3 hours.

Now here I sit, Tuesday afternoon, (I think) and I am tired. Must go take a nap.

And another thing...

You can disregard the 'vote for Kaysar' thing in the previous post. I have discovered a program that will send in my votes automatically. You just put in how many times you want to vote and presto. So far I have voted 10,345 times and counting. Every 5 seconds.

Don't ya just love technology?

Your Oh Kay Sar!

Ok, I have lost my mind again over Big Brother. Again.

Click to vote to bring back Kaysar. Do me a big favor and make sure that sanctimonious, holier than thou, Eric does not get back on, or I will have to cease watching. I can not stomach one more second of his little flock saying, "What would Cappy do?"

Fuck Cappy, what would McGuyver do?

He would vote for Kaysar, that's what!

Ok, I am just off three 13 hour shifts. I am just a little punchy. I will let you know how it went after a little shut-eye.

One shift down...

So, we got one shift in. Didn't go too bad. No one was killed and nothing blew up.

I start my backshift tonight at 1am. I am sure it will take a while to get my body into the rhythm. As long as I have some decent tools.

Last night I had a headset without an amp, which makes it impossible to hear yourself. If you can't hear yourself, you can't tell if you are talking loud enough. It was annoying.

I told a TM, "I will file a ticket on it." Oh great! That will make it all right. Considering I filed a ticket for roaming profile. TWO AND A HALF YEARS AGO!

Then I spot the MO milling about, looking very much NOT busy. I sign off the phone and stand beside him.

"Hey, busy?"
"No." He says.
"Well, I can't hear on my phone, I need an amp."
"Did you file a ticket?" I roll my eyes at him.
"How hard can it be, I can just boost you up over the Great Wall of China over there and you can fetch me one." He looks at me like I am kidding, and then realizes I am not.
"I will see what I can do."
"Your on it then?"
"Ya, I'm on it."
"Your the man."

So he proceeds to tell another MO, "Evel needs an amp." She turns to the TM, "Evel needs an amp." The TM goes purple. -- evil grin --

I believe if you want something done, you go to the top.

It's not like he was busy or anything.

Stress? What stress?

My eyelid has been twitching for the past 3 weeks and it has been driving me crazy. But like a good little 60's baby I avoid the doctor like the plague.

What the hell do I need a doctor for? I have the internet. Looks like it all points to Eyelid Myokymia.

Stress? Check.
No Sleep? Check.
Caffeine? Check.

Benign, I'll take it.



Tim might be upset when I switch to decaf,
but you'll just have to suck it up, Princess.

It's official....sort of.

I passed the test, and the min skills. So I guess I am officially a ...what?

We are not even sure what they are going to call us. Tech routers? Something to that effect. Well we will soon find out. We hit the floor, live tomorrow.

Meanwhile back at the farm, they fire one of the MO's and an assortment of other upper management. Not sure what that is about. They say downsizing, then they announce another new project as well as hiring 40+ more techs. Make any sense?

The moral of the story? - Don't buy any green bananas.

Can you say, "Four days off" ?

That's right, I got the backshift. 1am till 2pm, Saturday, Sunday and Monday. 13 hour shifts but 4 days off.

Initailly I was not on the list. But I poked and bitched and whined until I got what I wanted. The best part about it is that the other shifts will start on Thursday, so the Extrememly Huge Head said we could come in and listen to calls and the Undisclosed Computer Software Company™ would foot the bill. So we will be able to hear some live calls without being at all responsible for them. And get paid.
-- insert evil grin --

And another thing...

I was up all last night studying, got to sleep about 5:30am. I get up at 9 to pee and hear the downstairs neighbor yelling through the connecting door. "EVEL! THE BUG GUY IS HERE TO SPRAY!"

FUCK! Thanks for the advanced warning.

Guess I forgot to mention that I had been having an ant problem since I moved in here. I was hoping that the destruction of the old rotting deck would take care of the problem but I woke up one day last week to this.

And these are just the ones I caught on film before most had scurried away. EEEWW!

So the boy and I had to find somewhere to go for a few hours. Since I am not ever off on the weekends, I had no idea where that would be. Finally we headed out to my brothers. The boy snuck off to a bedroom and went back to sleep and I visited with my brothers fiance. By the time it was safe to go back home I was ready to crash and barely made it in the door. Made a B-line for the bedroom and dropped dead.

Got back up at 7, drove the boy to meet his friend and got back to studying.

I am such a wild and crazy gal.

"Stand back, and make sure you are wearing your protective goggles."

I think I might get through this training as long as my head doesn't explode.

The Extremely Huge Head announced that we are doing so well he has decided we will hit the floor next week. If you only knew the amount of information there is you would understand what he said next.

He looks at me, "Are you ok?"

I was purple. I could literally feel my blood rushing through my veins. All I could think was, 'How the hell am I going to retain all this information?' There are a kazillion developer products and at that moment I could not tell you what one of them were.

Then the trainer let us listen to some calls. Whew!

I think if I can just get past the written tests I will be ok. I totally suck on paper. On paper I second guess myself, but I can bluff the shit out of a phone call if I have to.

The coolest thing about this new job is the power. In CC and in Pro, we did a lot of complaining about the techs. They liked to refuse to take calls, they would send customers back to CC if they thought they were misrouted. Customers could end up talking to 6 people before they actually got their issue resolved. (usually by the first group they had been transferred to.)

But with this job we will be taking the customer to the tech. Explaining the issue and taking names. When we are done with a customer we will know that that customer will be helped and by whom. And if the tech refuses? God help them!

"Ah, you don't want to take this case? Oops, I just assigned it to you. You think it belongs somewhere else? Hold please, I will get that tech on the line and the two of you can fight it out amongst yourselves. B-Bye!"

This is going to be cool!

Baldry won't be back this time.

Long John Baldry

When I was a teenager, this guy was it for me. We would all sit around smoking weed and listening to 'You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'. I don't care who has done it before or since, his version was the best.

A couple years ago I had to spend months on eBay trying to replace one of his cd's. I remember how excited I was to finally find it. I played 'Baldry's Back' till the boy threatened mutiny.

Back before the dawn of video and MTV, artists had to rely on talent not hype. I don't think we even knew what he looked like back then. He was a great talent and that is all we based our opinion on.

It is sad when you have to let go of that. Video's are cool and all but now a days anyone with a couple bucks and a bellybutton ring can get themselves a record deal.

Sadly missed, but never forgotten.


Long John Baldry
1941 - 2005

I left some stuff out, if you can believe that.

Well, we finally figured out what the training is. Well sort of. We found out why it was 'secret'.

They don't actually know what it will be in the end. It's more like a pilot. See what we can be trained for. Have us as a backup for existing centers, basically cross train us for every level of customer service highest to lowest. They are big on redundancy sites right now since our center went down in a blizzard for 4 days, and there was no one to cover.

Since most of us already have experience in consumer and professional customer service, they are training us for higher levels. You know, those customers who purchase thousands, even millions of dollars of support. Companies that may even have our technicians on site already or have the option to have them flown in.

Some of the others are a little freaked out. But these customers will require even less from us. They will know exactly what they want and who they want to speak to.

Before we even learn what we will be training for there was a little bit of tension. Especially from a few of the techs that were chosen. They are upset, understandably, about going backwards in the company. (the salary cap is lower in CC) But they don't even know where this might lead, so they should at least give it a chance.

Not this one Tech Chick. The Extremely Huge Head from the Undisclosed Computer Software Company™ is welcoming us and giving us an idea of what it was all about and she starts. She is upset about being there. She feels it is a demotion. Now, keep in mind, we don't work for the Undisclosed Computer Software Company™, we work for the Undisclosed Customer Service Center™, the Extrememly Huge Head is our client. He is pissed. This tech chick idiot won't shut up. He keeps telling her to take up any employment issues with her MO.

Then she does it royally, she equates her draft into this new project with being asked to flip burgers. HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! You don't look your client in the face and tell him it is beneath you to work for him in this capacity.

One of the trainers (not ours, thank god) was offended by this comment, he stood up and told her that the Undisclosed Computer Software Company™ was a family and no one department was any better or worse than the other and stormed out of the room.

This, you would think, would shut her up? No. She kept going. Finally the Extremely Huge Head shut her up. "I can't do anything about your employment, I can't say to your MO, fire her. All I can say is I don't want her on my project. Again, if you have any employment issues take it up with your MO."

BURN! Wonder if I will see her in training on Monday?

So, how is training going? It's frustrating. There is one chick in this class (not idiot tech chick) that is jumping all over my last nerve. She is literally holding us up. She constantly asks questions, senerios about future events, "What happens when I am on the phone for 6 years and I get a cramp?" The guy from the Undisclosed Computer Software Company™ who actually wrote the training book is training us and she is correcting him. I kid you not! This dude wrote the book. Even if he says the sky is green, you do not correct him. What the hell is wrong with you?

I turned to the guy beside me and said, "I'll give you 20 bucks if you break her legs."

"I think one of them is already broken."

"Ok then, ten."

Dude from the Undisclosed Computer Software Company™ is pretty even tempered, and clearly religious but I can see him cracking.

He might do it for free.

And another thing...

Another reason the tech chick is bitter? The CC agents get a one dollar an hour raise! Considering that the techs start out at a dollar more an hour, it has to do with wage equity in the project.

Bite me bitch!

Ignore the man behind the curtain.

Today I start the 'secret' training.

The Extremely Huge Head from the Undisclosed Computer Software Company™ did indeed show up yesterday. He was not impressed with the setup.

There was much angry words and smoothing of feathers. Threats and compromises. Pictures of the great wall were taken and, I assume, sent back to the home planet. I don't blame them, that wall is just indescribable.

So far the Undisclosed Computer Software Company™ has not pulled the plug on the new project but they are not happy with the training facilities. Nor are they at all happy with the presence of the Undisclosed H Em Oh™.

So, what does the Undisclosed Customer Service Center™ do to rectify the situation? After the Extremely Huge Head left building they constructed what can only be described as a brain fart. They hung tarps around the hastily thrown together 'special' training room. Big time security at the Undisclosed Customer Service Center™.

I wish I had been there this morning when the Extremely Huge Head cast his peepers on that rediculous setup.

Can't wait to hear what his reaction was.

Your own worst enemy.

And how was your day?

Incoming message from the Big Giant Head!

The Big Giant Heads from the Undisclosed Computer Software Company™ flew in yesterday to begin training.

A little background. I work for the Undisclosed Customer Service Center™ who's only client (until very reciently) in this center was the Undisclosed Computer Software Company™.

A couple months ago the Undisclosed Customer Service Center™ courted a new client, lets call them Undisclosed H Em Oh™. They figured it would take this new client a while to make up their minds and by then they would have a new location ready for them.

Not so, they were quick to sign on the dotted line. And now they want to begin training and the Undisclosed Customer Service Center™ had no place to put them. So, while waiting for a new location they put a wall down the center of our production floor. Gave them 150 cubes and they started training. They are also using all of our training rooms.

Coincidently, around this same time, the Undisclosed Customer Service Center™ is also courting the Undisclosed Computer Software Company™ to bring in a new project. Much training, new shifts, the whole nine yards.

They didn't figure on getting the go ahead on both projects at once.

So the Big Giant Head's from the Undisclosed Computer Software Company™ show up here on Monday and this is what they see.

-The great wall of china.
-Training rooms occupied.
-Strange people milling about.
-Security barring them from half of the center.
-Techs (their techs) standing around for an hour waiting for seats so they can begin working.
-One hastely constructed training room smack dab in the center of the production floor that they are informed is 'special, just for them'.

So, one of our classes begin. Trainer is distracted by production floor noise and the added noise coming from behind the great wall. He is pissed. He sends the class for a break and does not come back.

Next thing you know, the Big Giant Heads inform everyone that training is postponed till Friday and they leave. This is not good.

I suspect that they went back to their hotel and immediatly contacted the Extremely Huge Head and he is on his way from the home planet.

Heads are going to roll. I just hope that it is not mine.

Scheduling brilliance!

Last night I get to work (at 3pm) only to find that by 7:30pm I would be one of only two agents working. WTF?

Who's brilliant idea was that? And I was off at 11pm so the other poor soul (Kay) would be there all by herself till 1am.

Needless to say, I stayed till one. You got to wonder who, in upper management, lied on their resume. Organizational skills, my ass!

The TM on duty called the Big Giant Head to see if he could ask some agents to stay for OT, but she conveniently didn't call back until all the others had left. 'I could stay if I wanted to', she says. 'Yes, she knew it would only be us two', she says, but she thought I was on till one. WHAT? She thought two agents were plenty to take care of all business calls in North America? I was NOT impressed.

I ended up taking 106 calls and Kay took almost 80. If you called in last night, I apologize, but I was just rounding them up and shipping them out. No extra chatting, no going above and beyond. Everyone got the bum's rush.

And another thing...

It had to be that way, cuz we were working the professional line, and of those 106 calls I took last night, maybe 20 were professionals. All the others were calling after hours for personal support. And they weren't getting the whole "we're closed" thing. Some people can be so thick sometimes.

ME: "Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Customer Service Center�? my name is blah blah blah..."
CUSTOMER: "Ya, I can't get this program to work." It's Me.dia Pl.ay.er. Groan!
ME: "Consumer support is closed for the evening, if you would like to call back in the morning, someone should be able to help you."
CUSTOMER: "So here's the thing..." He starts babbling about his issue.
ME: "Sir, I am not a technician..."
CUSTOMER: "Ok, I need a technician."
ME: "As I said that department is closed, if you would like to call back in the morning..."
CUSTOMER: "No I need to talk to one tonight, I will pay..."
ME: "I am sorry, but I can't charge you, there is no one here that can help, they all went home."
CUSTOMER: "So you won't help me? I paid a lot of money for this software and you are telling me that you will not support it?"
ME: "No, that is not what I said, I told you that that department is closed, everyone in that department clocked out 4 hours ago and went home."
CUSTOMER: "But your there, why are you answering the phone if you can't help customers?"
ME: "You have reached the professional group, we handle tech support for professional products."
CUSTOMER: "So you lied, there are techs on duty, you just won't send me to one."
ME: "Yes there are techs here, they are trained in professional products, if you had a professional product I could get you through to a technician. It would require the use of a support account or a credit card charge. The charge for professional support is two hundred and forty five dollars." That shut him up.
CUSTOMER: "That is so unfair!"
ME: "What is so unfair, if your tech support cost $245, you would have 24 hour service. But yours is free, so you have to call back during support hours. It's simple."
CUSTOMER:"Ok, well let me ask you this...."

Ok, this has gone on long enough, I am in Q and I don't have time for you...< - CLICK - >

And how was your night?

Curious-er and curious-er.

Another thing that makes me think this might be the Technical Router thing. All the current TM's were asked if they would volunteer for a back shift.

No one, of course, did. So since no one volunteered, someone will be voluntold.

They wouldn't ask for volunteers unless they plan on having that shift.

Fingers still crossed.

And another thing ...

For those of you concerned about my impending incineration. You will be relieved to know that I got my training schedule changed from that 7am start to 3:30pm.

Sigh of relief.