Wednesday, September 17, 2003

Just another day in paradise!

Last night I had nothing but bazaar calls.

A man with one product that didn�t have free support, tried to get support with another product. After about 20 minutes,

�Well what if I told you it was product A?�

�Then I would check your PID and know you were lying.�

�Well I have support for product A�

�But your having the problem with product B�


�So, there isn�t just one guy here that takes care of all the tech calls. The guy trained in product A is not expected, and most times has no idea how, to work product B, so even though it would be free support, he wouldn�t be able to help you.�

�Well what if I told you���

�Sir, I have explained your support options, if you do not wish to go through on pay per incident, then I really can�t help you any further. Thank you for calling Undisclosed Customer Service Center�, you have a nice day.�

Next crayon please!

As a customer reads his software disk: ��..for product support contact the manufacturer of your pc��

�And who is the manufacturer of your pc?�

�They told me not to tell you.�

�You were already in contact with them.�

�Ya, and they told me not to tell you it was OEM software, and you would help me.�
(Of all the nerve!)

�And I can sir, for a $35 charge to a major credit card.�

This is when he loses his mind. �I just paid them $130 and you are telling me I have to pay you another 35 fucking dollars?�

�Well sir the disc clearly states that your warranty support lies with your OEM. Do you think it was worth $130 to have them tell you just to call us and lie?�

�Well what if I didn�t tell you that? What if I just said it was retail?�

�Sir, we can check that with the PID, we don�t just take peoples word for it. If I were you I would call them back and make them work for their $130. I will let you know that ours is a flat fee and we will work with you for as long as it takes until your issue is completely resolved and if for some reason we can't resolve it we will refund the charge.�



�That�s fair.�

�We like to think so.�

And another thing...

A lady calls up who just bought a computer with obsolete software, it�s $35 only until January, when phone support is discontinued. She loses her mind but grudgingly gives me her credit card info. Half way through she begins to talk very very snotty to me. She starts with her billing address, giving it to me in a tone that suggests she is also at the same time scraping something disgusting off the bottom of her shoe. When I ask for her phone number, she starts to yell,

�What the hell do you need all this fucking information for?�

Stay calm Evel�..�Well it is to distinguish you from every other Jane Doe in Michigan��

�Well I am the only one in fucking Michigan.�
Sure lady.

I am gritting my teeth now, and a co-worker that was about to ask me a question sees my face and walks away,

�Mamme, I can�t create a case for you until I get this information.�

She is screaming and I am pounding this out as hard as I can on the keyboard, I can�t believe it isn�t smashing it. Another co-worker has just backed away from me.

THAT IS IT! In my snottiest look-lady, Dirty Harry voice, �Mamme, if you can not control yourself, I will be forced to terminate this call.�

She calms down a little, but is still snarky. The only thing that kept me from hooking her was that glorious feeling of satisfaction that she will, in the end, wait almost two hours on hold (I kept that little tidbit from her) only to end up at my favorite foreign country. You know the one.

Happy trails bitch!

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