And another thing...

The heat is on, Baby!

I am in the middle of threatening Ricky within an inch of his life. The Lord is loving it. (I call this one guy the lord....well that's another post) Anyway, I am scheduling an appointment for Ricky with an 80 year old man. I want him to promise to be nice to him. I am just about to tell him that if he fucks with me I will mess him up when I stop mid sentence.

I get this look on my face. I am feeling a bit odd.

"What?" Ricky and the Lord look concerned.

"I think I just had a hot flash."

Surprisingly, men don't want to engage in a conversation about hot flashes. They all turn around and try to make like they didn't hear me.

"I am not kidding, I totally think I just had a hot flash! At least it is what I imagine a hot flash to feel like, but I never had one before."

They all look at me like I asked them to taste my shit or something. I have a big stupid grin on my face.

"HOLY CRAP! I totally just had a hot flash!" I raise my hand to the Lord and try and get a high five. He has a deer in the headlight look. Men think as soon as you have a hot flash you immediately turn into some sort of axe murderer.

I lower my hand. "Dude, you know what this means? Since the 'shot' (depo) I haven't had a period." Deer in the headlights turns to mortified gasps. "Do you know how much money I save because of that? This means I also won't need to get shot in the ass with a needle every 3 months either!" I am giddy.

They are not getting with the program and I am getting irritated.

I raise my hand again, "What? I can't get a high five for the fucking hot flash?" He sees the murder in my eyes and reluctantly they both accept the hand slap.

"Cool!" You may live.